The Three A's
Something I have noticed that goes with all my troubles with having chronic pain is what I call the three A's: annoyance, anger, and all over tired. It's just a state I find myself in when I am not fully balanced at that time. If I need food, sleep, water, or just peace and quiet I tend to become a monster and those three A's show up.
Annoyance is what starts first. Anything small bothers me and then it grows, and bothers me more. It could be something as little as my clothes not fitting right to someone saying something slightly rude and me taking it the wrong way.
Then, it goes to anger. After I'm fully annoyed by whatever poked me the wrong way, I blow up. I become the monster that I don't want to be. Everyone around me breathing makes me want to scream and if I can't escape to another place, I will scream and lash out. I try not to, and it's better, but its still a problem.
After anger starts to slow down, all over tired smacks me in the face and I just want to curl into a ball and sleep for a few days.
Something that I didn't even realize was an issue, would be all of these states I go through. If I'm too hungry, I do this. If I'm too tired, didn't sleep right, something, I do this. It's not because I want to, but because I stop blocking out how much pain I'm in and how much I really don't want to do what I'm suppose to do. So, once the blocks start to lift from the pain, I feel it. I feel all of it and it hurts even more than normal. So, everything gets worse and everything feels awful all at once.
I'm not actually angry at whatever I'm yelling about. I'm angry because something inside of me I can't control is hurting and I am angry about it. I don't even realize I do this anymore because it's something I live with every single day. But, it's there and it's real.
The three A's are kind of hard to avoid after a while. If I eat after the annoyance starts, or sleep, or do whatever I need to do to feel better, I'll be okay. The anger doesn't hit then, and I fix the problem.
But, many are not aware that this is a constant.
Thanks for reading!
Annoyance is what starts first. Anything small bothers me and then it grows, and bothers me more. It could be something as little as my clothes not fitting right to someone saying something slightly rude and me taking it the wrong way.
Then, it goes to anger. After I'm fully annoyed by whatever poked me the wrong way, I blow up. I become the monster that I don't want to be. Everyone around me breathing makes me want to scream and if I can't escape to another place, I will scream and lash out. I try not to, and it's better, but its still a problem.
After anger starts to slow down, all over tired smacks me in the face and I just want to curl into a ball and sleep for a few days.
Something that I didn't even realize was an issue, would be all of these states I go through. If I'm too hungry, I do this. If I'm too tired, didn't sleep right, something, I do this. It's not because I want to, but because I stop blocking out how much pain I'm in and how much I really don't want to do what I'm suppose to do. So, once the blocks start to lift from the pain, I feel it. I feel all of it and it hurts even more than normal. So, everything gets worse and everything feels awful all at once.
I'm not actually angry at whatever I'm yelling about. I'm angry because something inside of me I can't control is hurting and I am angry about it. I don't even realize I do this anymore because it's something I live with every single day. But, it's there and it's real.
The three A's are kind of hard to avoid after a while. If I eat after the annoyance starts, or sleep, or do whatever I need to do to feel better, I'll be okay. The anger doesn't hit then, and I fix the problem.
But, many are not aware that this is a constant.
Thanks for reading!
Hi--my daughter recommended your blog. We're both disabled, although from different causes. I've just linked to you from my own blog Miriam's Well, which has about 1200 daily readers so I hope you get hits!
ReplyDeletehttps://miriamswell.wordpress.com/2017/07/20/disability-blog/