To Be Disabled or Not?

This is my third day of classes at University of New Mexico and I am battling lots of pain with the everyday tasks that I am faced with.

Yesterday, I met one girl in my class that told me about 'ARC' which is the Accessibility Resource Center at UNM. The program can set up something similar to an IEP (or what I was use to calling it, 504 plan). I realize I did not really need this when I was at the smaller campus and my classes were much smaller. But now, I am on a much larger campus and facing having to walk way more than I'm use to. This isn't a problem but, my body feels other wise.

I recently got a FitBit over Christmas and I went from under 5,000 steps to almost 13,000 per day. This is great and very healthy but, my body is not happy. I feel like I am dragging and going so slow compared to the other young adults around me. I feel like I need a cushion of time which means having to wake up much earlier and feeling my stiffness dissipate as I start to move and get ready for the day.

I am known for pushing my limits and then crashing for a few days. I know that every action has a consequence when it comes to my body and sometimes it feels like a punishment instead of a minor consequence like not waking up as early etc.

I had no idea I needed this until I actually got to campus and I am feeling strange about needing something like an IEP because I am unsure of how to create guidelines for it. I also did not use my 504 when I was younger as much but a lot in high school but it wasn't even targeted at my RA.

The whole process is mentally frustrating because I have never saw my self as disabled but the reality of it is I am disabled compared to others. I do have to have help with minor things that seem silly but are a big deal. These things are as small as opening things because my hands hurt to needing extra time or being able to be late to class without penalty. I know that I wouldn't abuse this but, there are people who do which is why there are such intense rules.  I also have met people who use and abuse this system put in place for people like me, who are not as willing to use this system because we are feeling we are not disabled.

Instead of doing my homework right now, I am wondering how to set this system up for me and I called my doctor and she is only willing to speak about this in person. This is fine, I understand why because of HIPPA and all of that lovely legal stuff that comes with all things medical. But, I am angry because she has to listen to these rules because I can't drop everything to make an appointment in February when I need it soon. I can't skip a class and drive 100 miles to my doctor's office to sit and talk for maybe a half hour and leave with paper work to hand over and then drive all the way back. It isn't practical and it's a pain in the butt.

So why should I be put in this position? What do I do? All of this is going through my mind while I rub my sore legs that are tired of the intense walking I have put them through the past few days and all I want is to take a very hot bath and sleep but that isn't helpful right now. I can't do that.

This is a war in my mind and my body that I face daily and it's something I know many people deal with but can let their mind win most days and on bad days, the body wins and your bed cradles your pain.

I'm going to continue my search on how to fix my problem and problem solve just like my mom taught me well at a young age. I am thanking the fact that I learned how to do many of these things by watching her and learning how to research everything I need from both parents. I am thankful for having such a strong role model.

I'm sure I'll update.

Thanks for reading,
Leah